Well, I’d like to say I was on safari or in some exotic locale like one of Jupiter’s moons, but in truth I’ve been working. Very hard. In a way you can say I’ve been many places in my head, and to be honest it’s not a bad way to travel. For one, you don’t really need any new clothes. There’s no need for innoculations or translating gadgetry of any sort, either. You are allowed only a certain amount of baggage, however, so you need to pack intelligently––or unintelligently, I suppose, as long as its funny.

Which is a perfect segue to talk about my most recently completed screenplay titled Shelf Life. Instead of just explaining what it’s about––and since I’m finding it nary impossible to stop working––let’s make this an exercise with results I can actually use. I’m going to try a few loglines and y’all tell me which one you think sounds the best.

Okay, first one:

When tragedy strikes the young lead singer of fledgling hardcore band Dead Jester, its aging members begin to drop like flies––leaving lead guitarist and perpetual wheel-spinner Scott “The Kid” Gianoffrio to make a huge life decision: patch things up with his fiance and grow up, or hang on to his pipe dream until it takes him under for good. When the bitter girlfriend of the dead singer begins to pester his existence, a new choice emerges: allow her noxious personality to finish him off, or open his mind to what could be his last chance to shine.

Not too bad. But as far as loglines are concerned, they’re the only thing Hollywood doesn’t like to be too long. Another go:

Aging rocker Scott “The Kid” Gianoffrio watches his dream and fiance slip away after the young, lead singer of his band is tragicially killed. Will the dead singer’s blameful and bitter ex drive him over the edge forever, or could she possibly be the key for one last shot at the stage?

Okay, it can’t get much shorter than that, can it?

When an aging rocker loses his lead singer, his life and dreams go into the toilet. Will the singer’s bitter ex flush him away, or could she prove to be his rocking salvation?

That one discards a lot of info that may not sell the heart of the story, which if I’m being honest, is more of a romantic comedy than the hilarious send-up of garage bands that I intended it to be. As you can see, these things can be tweaked to appeal to different market mindsets, and the daunting reality is that, whatever decision you make, that’s the one that sticks forever. You get one shot at an agent per project, so it’s best to choose your pitch––and where you send it––very carefully.

That’s all for now. I’ve got other stuff stored up for other entries, so check back. Lastly, your perspective video of the week. Maybe it’s just me, but every time I watch it I feel calm and strangely innocent. Enjoy.